My first questions were..."How could this have happened to me...to us?
How could I not have known? I'm guessing that you may have had at least one of these questions
cross your mind. All I know is...that like Chris it was one of the hardest things I have ever
had to go through...and it is right up there with the death of my first husband who died very
young of heart disease.
One of the things I need to admit right up front is...that...I
know...instinctively I knew something was up. I was in some kind of protective denial which
proved to only postpone the inevitable. My desire to convince myself that I was either paranoid or making something up....was my way of dealing with the fear of the
I was married to a man who had fine tuned his manipulative skills to a tee, and convinced himself
that cheating was okay. That it was acceptable because he just "wanted to". No conscious to
speak of. Just selfish justifaction that it was something he could do; so, why not? It was
easy for him, and as long as I kept
my denial glasses on...well, he was able to keep his
double life thing going on. Now mind you...it wasn't just an "affair". Oh no...not just one
woman; but, any woman he "wanted" to be with that was agreeable.
realistic thought...duh! He was a compulsive liar. A man who had no trouble convincing himself
or apparently me...that all was well. When reality hit me I dove right into the "what did I
do wrong?" thing. Or..."It must be me...I am no good in bed?" thing, or worse yet...I must
not be lovable. Well, after much soul searching, some counseling, and finally accepting the
reality of the kind of man he was, I took the big step to ask him to leave the home "I" owned
(he never paid a penny toward it), and I began my struggle to try and regain a sense of value, begin to date, and stop sabotaging my relationships thinking they could hurt me too. Then...along came Chris...my love...my soulmate. And I can't wait to tell you how amazing our relationship is and how we got where we